Coming out- Being there

Published: November 4th, 2010

I’ve always believed that we can learn from stories. After all, why keep telling them if they don’t bring about anything productive. The story I wish to share with you today is partly my own, and one that is often and unfortunately a common situation.
I used to be very religious. Not so much in a devout way, but the congregation was like a second family to me. I loved the church, I loved the people, and while I hated getting up early on Sundays I did it anyway. The Pastor there was a good man in an older bother sort of way and I trusted him and considered him a friend. So when I –a 13-year-old girl at the time- told him I was attracted to other girls, I expected something reassuring to come of it.
“Don’t worry,” he said calmly. “I know a good psychiatrist.”
Shocked didn’t cover it. I didn’t want to hear that at all. I didn’t want to hear I had to go to some doctor to get ‘fixed.’ The only thing I wanted to hear was, “Don’t worry. That’s not a disease.”
To those of you have experienced it, you’ll know these words to be true: coming out is scary and the better you know someone the harder it is to tell them. Inwardly, we have to fight very hard to find ourselves. Outwardly, we have to fight against the rejection and the hatred of others.
A long and arduous process wouldn’t even begin to describe what I went through before the next time I was able to come out to another adult. When I did though it was to my high school Councilor. She was a woman I barely knew but I was at such a low point in my life I didn’t care what happened anymore. If she were to tell me I had some sort of illness at least our relationship wouldn’t suffer for the heartbreak it caused. But when I told her she just looked at me calmly and said: “It’s okay. That isn’t something to be ashamed of.”
There is nothing wrong with me; I am not sick; I am not perverted; I am not going through a ‘phase.’ I’ve long since come out to my parents and while it was rocky at first, I knew who I was and it wasn’t going to change that just to please someone else.
As we grow older, see more things, it is my hope for that the people in this world will gain compassion. People have different values and different ideas. New friends will constantly surprise you; strange people in your class, people you live with, work with, and talk with. Every person you meet from this moment on will teach you humanism and small worlds give way to broader horizons.
If you find yourself in a situation where someone you care about chooses to open their hearts to you, know this: the person who was your childhood friend, your son or your daughter, sister or brother, is still that very same person. They haven’t changed so don’t change your opinion of them. If you care about them, don’t make them scared to tell you things. We do not choose to be gay, but we do choose whom we tell. Please do not make us regret confiding in you.
For more advice on what to do if someone comes out to you, please visit the Rainbow Room in the CMU. Thanks for reading -stay curious!